


Everything Is At Ease When I'm With You

by Woduz



Series: Yuri On Ice - Viktor x Reader [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Confused Emotions, Crying, F/M, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Other, Reader-Insert, bunch of asshole reporters, figure skating, little bit of angsty yurio, what even is tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 14:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9275690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woduz/pseuds/Woduz
Summary: You (the reader) are supporting your close friend with his ice-skating career, as you are a skater also. But a sudden anxiety attack occurs, having your good friends support you.





	1. Anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> Starting this new lil fic as it just came to mind! Hope you guys enjoy it, as I might continue it. Sorry if there's any mistakes, hoping they're only minor. 
> 
> Y/N - Your Name

You find yourself surrounded by what in your mind you'd call a perfect world. The rink, the crowd, a pair of skates in your hand, the competitors warming up behind you, coaches standing to the side muttering tips and inside jokes that only a coach would understand, and of course the people you care most dearly about standing right beside you, of course having their own conversation, but still right there. It's perfect, peaceful and definitely the place and timing you'd think you'd be most calm in.

But instead your head is thinking differently, in fact your entire body is disagreeing. Your head is pacing, your heart is tightening in your chest, your stomach as well, off in its own world. You feel so close to fainting.  
Your legs start to quiver beneath you. Oh no. No, please no. You keep saying to yourself. Not now, please not now. Before you know it, everything is black. You're not sure whether the darkness is from you forcing your eyes shut or somewhat, along the line, you actually fainted.

Your vision surfaces as a small delicate hand grips your arm and startles you. "Y/N, everything okay? You dropped your skates." You glance down, unsure of what the young man meant and right between your newly bought white Nike's are your skates, on the floor and out of place. You lean down and pick them up.

"Thanks Yuuri" you say, meeting him eye to eye. 

Funny, you think to yourself. You would have thought slicking your hair back would make you look less like a nerd, but that smile, that geeky smile, and the glasses aren't doing you much good. You laugh to yourself. After all he isn't much younger than you, only three years difference sits between the two of you. Yuuri opens his jaw about to say something, but the speakers beat him to it.

"Our next competitor supporting Japan...Katsuki Yuri!...alongside with his coach-"

The small Japanese jumps, "Oh! That's me!" He turns his body and tugs at the sleeve of the tall Russian standing aside. Yuuri stops in his tracks, "C'mon Viktor they're waiting." You look over at Viktor, but his sapphire eyes are already locked on you. 

"I'll be with you in a minute Yuuri." He says, still with his intense but almost elegant balls of glass fixed on you.

Yuuri nonetheless doesn't seem to mind, "Okay! Y/N wish me luck!"

"Good luck!" You yell.

The positivity doesn't stick for long, your head quickly floods with anxious pacing, and once again you're back to where you started. You feel the nerves instantly crawl up the back of your throat, screaming for an exit. You turn towards the door and make your way out, sliding your skates on a seat beside the door. Soft footsteps echo behind and you pause. You feel the urge to turn around, but you know if do, you're most likely going to cry or throw up. You take a sharp breath and keep walking towards the locker room.

You stumble before you manage to catch another breath. You shove your weight up against a locker bench and try to hold back the tears but they keep overflowing, almost impossible for you to see. The similar footsteps slow and pause at the entrance to the locker room. It's a second or so before the tall man actually moves and comes into view, of course, its Viktor and he looks almost as stunned as you seem.

Viktor kneels down to your level and reaches out his hands and steadies your arms, a soft touch quickly pains into a sharp grip.

"Y/N, you're shaking! What's wrong?" He asks.

"I can't..I can't..I can't" your throat aches, threatening you to stop talking.

The pair of icy eyes are flickering of worry, "You can't what?!"

Viktor is begging you to say something, but your body is begging you not too. Every cell in your body burns, and your cheeks are fuming. The tears are hot now and they're flowing too fast. You violently attempt to wipe your tears away but nothing works.

"I can't breathe!" You finally spurt out.

Viktor's eyes are darting now. He's supposed to be with Yuuri. The thought of Yuuri keeps sinking into your head growing deeper until finally you can't think anymore. Not a single thought or feeling is bothering you. Right now, you're just focusing on the panic coming from Viktor, he is just a frightened as you are.

"Is it the pressure? Y/N you'll be fine! You're in the top 6 of figure skaters! You don't need to panic, you've got this." His voice is shaky and seemly unconvincing, at least that's what your head is saying.

The words 'you've got this' keeps ringing in your head louder and louder each time, your head feels like it's about to boil. You can't take it anymore. Your heart clenches with agony but your head is a different story.

"Just shut up!" You yell.

The grip on your arms slowly loosen, "Y/N, I didn't say anyth-"

"Shut up. Just shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!" You thrust your arms forward shoving the Russian in the chest, sending him on his arse.

You take a deep breath, breathing in is the easy part, but breathing out instantly fails and instead is replaced by a mouthful of sobs. "I'm sorry Viktor." You whisper. "I'm not Yuuri. I'm not your student and you aren't my coach!" This caught his attention. Has he not figured it out yet? The problem isn't pressure.

Viktor picks himself up and scoots his way closer to you. The gap between you both is a lot closer than it had been just before. "Y/N, that was no coach line, that was from my heart, honest." He sighs and pushes himself back, opening the distance between you. "I know it's not pressure. I've known you long enough for it to be anxiety." A half smile grows across his face but it quickly breaks and fades away.

The word 'anxiety' sends a shiver down your spine. You return the smile, hoping it will be enough for an understanding of what you are about to say next.

"Viktor, you're five year gold medallist. You don't get anxiety. You wouldn't know." You say. Although that's not how you wish you put it.

"You don't think I feel anything?" He blurs back. "Of course I do. I feel it all the time." Not just his body, but now his eyes are distant too. A sharp squeal stings your heart. You know what you said is wrong, but you're still boiling inside and you want to keep going.

"Pressure isn't anxiety Viktor. Pressure is just pressure, it comes and it goes. Anxiety suffocates people. It's suffocating me!"

Your throat feels as if you're screaming at the top of your lungs, but, you're not, you're only just yelling loud enough so he can hear you but quiet enough it won't leave the locker room.

His gaze shifts to you, it's sad but yet understanding. This is good, this is what you want, he is finally getting it now. You keep going, knowing you're almost there. "Anxiety controls people, no, it is people, it's a part of people and once you have it, you can't just get rid of it! It's always there no matter how many times you've think you've overcome it! Anxiety consumes you Viktor, inside and out! It's already consumed the inside of me! And...it's...its consuming the outside of me! And I’m terrified because of that! I don’t want anxiety to consume me!"

The tears are back again, piercing at the back of your eyes. Yelling at Viktor isn't a good feeling. It's not what either of you want. Before you recollect your thoughts the gap between you and Viktor closes again.

"No" he argues. "I'm not going to let it consume you, inside or out. The only thing I'll let consume you, is me."

Before he lets you reply, his lips are on yours. Rough but not too rough, almost soft, but, a knife keeps tugging at your heart the longer is lasts. He pulls away gently, practically teasing you, and rests his forehead on your chest.

You've always had something for each other. From the moment when Yuuri first introduced you both, you connected so easily. Every moment with Viktor was at ease for you, even if it was just a quick 'good morning'. But to both of you there was no perfect moment of confession, and you were almost too terrified to say something to the other just in case you ruined the friendship.

So where you both sit now, the yelling, the tears, the kiss..what is it all there for? Is it because you are both hurting? Or is it because you both needed that to happen? Are you both practically begging for more? You definitely feel the need for more, even if it is just one, even if it is just a quick peck. You need that agony again. That tugging at the heart, the blade and all, if it's just Viktor, you'll take it.


	2. Uneasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is still waiting for his coach before he starts his program. Meanwhile, his coach is with you in the locker room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect that many people to have read the first chapter, or even expect people to dm me on instagram about it. But wow, thank you guys. Yeah, I know just under a hundred people aren't really a lot, but its a lot to me and I wanna thank you guys for that!
> 
> Anyways have some angsty Yurio, and I know this chapter is a little short and low key but I'll make it up to yous. 
> 
> Y/N - Your Name

This moment, what feels like an hour of pain and unnecessary crying between you and Viktor has only been a passing of 12 minutes. What you both don’t know, is what is happening outside the locker room.

All your skater friends have split up searching for you both, well mainly Viktor. Yuuri refused to start his program without talking to his coach first, and the judges accepted that. They gave him 20 minutes to find him and there's is only 8 minutes left.

 ..........

Viktor finally raises his head, under his eyes are red and taking a guess yours are most likely red too. You both share a soft smile, and you gently cup his face in your hands and raise his eyes to your eye level, sharing the same balance.  
You lean in and kiss him again, you can't help yourself, you need that agony, yes, it is selfish of you, but just as much as the Russian could deny it, Viktor needs this kiss as bad as you do.

The kiss starts off tense, almost a confusion of emotions, but soon enough you both ease into it and it's just seems right. Like always, you both connected so easily from the very start. Your heart is melting and your body is feeling numb all over, you almost feel as if your body is about to give way beneath you.

A warm inviting hand slides up behind the side of your waist, you crumble inside even more, it's as if he knows you are falling in a heap and he is there to support you. Viktor catches you grinning mid-kiss and chuckles to himself, breaking from your lips. 

"Oh, I'm sorry" you whisper breathless.

"No, don't apologize." He whispers back.

Emotions are flooding every inch and cell in your body, the temptation is right in front of you, you could take it, no, you do want to take it, so badly.  
So badly, you have yourself biting your lip to refuse, who are you kidding? You're both promptly sitting by a bench in the locker room floor gazing at each other like two idiotic high-schoolers. You think about it a little more and how awkward if would be if someone, another skater, a child even, found you and Vitkor wait-

You gasp breaking the mood between you and Viktor, "Oh my god." You say, not realizing you said it out loud.

A puzzled look is stares at you waiting upon an answer.

"Viktor...how long has it been?" You ask.

"What do you mean?" The Russian responds, as he tugs you closer to him.

You stare at him in horror, "I mean…you...us…Yuuri"

Before Viktor could catch what you are implying, a slump by the entrance of the locker room startle you and Viktor both.

The short blonde is leaning against the frame of the entrance, intrigued in what he is witnessing but yet utterly angry.

"What are you two lovebirds doing? Yuuri's waiting for you. He's starting to think you bailed on him." He scowls.

"Oh, hi Yurio" you say, cheerful as anything, clearly because you're not afraid of the small angsty teen.

"Don't give me that. Seriously, what is taking so long?"

You and Viktor quickly glance at each other sharing an identical expression, Yurio's right. Viktor sighs, and turns his gaze to the teen, his face looks calm, cool and collective but the hand wrapped around your waist is telling otherwise. "Yurio, can you take care of Yuuri for me. Please, I beg of you."

The young Russian leans up, his request is immediately spat back on Viktor's face without a single word said, the young Russian's expression says enough.

"HUH?! Why me? No, no way! Stop talking garbage and my question." He says, eyes narrowing.

You gently place your hands on Vitkor's and guide them away from your waist, sliding them into your lap. His silver fringe bounces as he flicks his head to your hands and his cheeks flush to a shade of pink.  
You smile, you can't help but adore the concerning look brewing upon his face. "Viktor, there's no need to give excuses to the child."

"Child?! Who do you think you're calling a child?! The blonde spits out, taking a few steps forwards, as he clenches his fists.

"He's right." Viktor's mutters. Yurio pauses and his fists loosen.

"Sorry, Yurio, to ask so much of you but please, Y/N is just...she's just-" His gaze is back on you now, his eyes flicker with worry, like he can't seem to find the words.

You turn your view to the blonde. "I'm just having a minor anxiety attack Yurio, that's all." You try to sound cheerful, hoping it will convince the young skater.

The teen glances down at his feet, also struggling to find an answer.

"Oh okay." He mutters. "Still I don't really believe you and I don't want to hear about it either. If it's just minor, then Viktor doesn't need to be so selfish and forget about that moron." His eyes narrow at Viktor, and in an instant Viktor’s gaze is long gone from yours, now shooting up towards Yurio.

The tension is the air is fuming and completely silenced. Not what you need right now.

"Fine. Viktor, I'll watch over your little lady, while you deal with that pig." The teen blurts out.

Viktor is getting restless now, his hand is tightening on yours by the second. His blue orbs are still fixed upon the young boy. They glisten, almost as if the Russian is hinting a bit of jealousy or no trust within the blonde. 

Yurio notices it too, he sneers. "Gah. Don't give me that look. She's not that pretty anyway." The teen smirks, he knows he's getting to Viktor and he's enjoying every second of it.

Viktor’s glare is seething with despise now, you can't physically see it, all you see is his silver hair that has flopped back into place, blocking your view of his eyes, but this doesn't mean you can't feel it. The entire room has this weird tension bubbling around it. It isn't comforting. Even Yurio is feeling it, shifting in his weight. You can almost see the Russian's glare reflecting within Yurio's eyes.

"Oh seriously? Get over yourself." Yurio spits. He drops his head, in instant regret, avoiding all contact with Viktor.

You cup your hand under Viktor’s chin, and move his attention to you. You lean forwards and lightly press your lips on his forehead. "Go…" You say, “…and thank you.” The Russian tilts his head to the side and smiles. 

He removes himself from your grasps and exits the locker room, leaving you and Yurio in silence. 

“So? Are you coming?” The hooded blonde asks. 

“Ahh…y’know that loser will be performing soon, he’s your friend isn’t he?” He asks again, poking at your bubble. 

“Hey, Y/N, get up.” He says, as a small arm lifts under yours and heaves you up. “Gah, you’re a lot heavier than I thought. C’mon, I’ll sit with you if I have to.” 

You lean his weight against his shoulder and hobble towards the exit. “Hey, you’re a little cold, did you want to grab your jacket or something?” 

He’s right, you do feel a little cold, bitter even, but not in body temperature wise like Yurio is mentioning.

“Hey! Are you even listening?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm sorry that this was a small chapter and a little trashy but I promise I will make it up with something:)


	3. Perfect World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor talks to Yuuri about what happened, while you sit beside Yurio. Who, himself, has plans to cause trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I've been writing this more based on as the reader as female, rather than both male or female, well shit. Oops. Once this is all over I might go back through and see if I can change it. Pls forgive me. 
> 
> Also, this might be the last chapter...or I am considering to makes this a mini series and still follow the same story but just more drama, I don't know yet, but I am considering it. 
> 
> Y/N - Your Name

Every step Viktor takes feels heavy, dragging his weight down, the world is collapsing beneath him. His head is buzzing with thoughts, thoughts that conclude this heavy feeling. Is it because he feels bad about forgetting Yuuri? No, of course he feels bad but this guilt is far too dear. Is it the embarrassment of being late and having everyone's eyes on him? No, embarrassment doesn't usually get to him like this. Or is it because of how raw his emotions are? Possibly. Would it be from the crying? Maybe. Or is it from having to walk away? Maybe that too.

"V-Viktor!"

A sound of skates skidding to a stop awake him from his thoughts. Oh, it's Yuuri. Right. Viktor takes a breath, prepares himself to encourage Yuuri and maybe himself.

"Sorry, Yuuri" he says.

"No, no, it was actually pretty funny having everyone look for you." The Japanese skater laughs, "D-did you tell her?" He asks.

Viktors head is still buzzing, fogging up by the second, unable to clear or gather any thoughts. Whatever Yuuri is trying to ask Viktor isn't quite getting the hint.

"What are you talking about Yuuri?"

"You had 18 minutes and you didn't tell her?!...Viktor?...Viktor! O-oh right, I have to go. You better tell her after I'm done!"

The sound of skates are distancing. Viktor can hear a small mutter coming from the black-haired skater, but he still can't make sense of anything happening around him. The similar sound of skates close in, this, this made sense. Why is Yuuri coming back, he is supposed to start?

"V-Viktor I just had a thought. You didn't tell her, did you? You know, you just, seem really lost." Yuuri understands the pain hiding behind his friends eyes. He leaves him be and skates off to the centre of the rink.

Now Viktor know's why he is carrying such a burden on himself. He wasn't capable of doing the one thing that he'd been planning for at least a good year and a half. He can't understand why he wants it more than anything. All he wanted for a good while was to tell you, he just wanted to let you know how he feels, how he's always felt.  
Just three simple words. Why couldn't you say three words. You dipshit.His thoughts are crushing him now, feeling light-headed he sits himself down on a seat just behind him.

That was the chance, he keeps thinking. That could have been the most perfect moment of your life. All you had to say were three words.  
All he wanted was those three words to get across, clear the air.  
But instead his arrogant head became possessive, uncontrollably aware of the hunger he was feeling. That desire, of his lips on yours, why?, why did he let himself loose then when he was able to hold himself back every other alone moment you two have shared. Viktor doesn't want to be hungry for more, but the warmth of your lips keeps resurfacing.

He brushes his fingers through his hair, attempting the resist the urge of kissing you again. His energy is strains now, exhausted and in need of a rest. An image flashes in his mind, the thought of you and him huddled up on a sofa, sleeping the world away. No. He reminds himself. Keep control Viktor.

Viktor knows you're not that far away, he knows you're just sitting up at the back bedside the doors with Yurio. He could just go up and kiss you right now. It's that easy. It's not like he is forcing you or anything, you did kiss him back right?  
Viktor mentally punches himself in the face. Don't turn around, don't turn around, do not turn around. If he does turn around, he knows exactly what will happen.

..........

Yuuri finished his program and is heading towards his coach, but Viktor isn't paying enough attention to notice.  
Yuuri noticed Viktor didn't watch his free skate but it doesn't bother him, he understands there is something on his friends mind and he needs time to figure it out. Yuuri knows he did great, he didn't flump any of his jumps, only over-rotated one. Which in his mind is perfectly okay.

Yuuri helps up his friend and guides him to the Kiss and Cry. While waiting upon the scores he decides it's time to disturb Viktor's bubble and ask him what happened.

"So?" Yuuri asks.

Viktor looks up, taking a moment to let it sink in what is happening and how he got from the seat to the Kiss and Cry. His stomach drops, he didn't watch Yuuri's free skate. Is that what's he's asking? Did he do alright? Viktor’s brain is scrambling, how is he supposed to pull this off?

"You did great." Is all Viktor manages to pull himself to say.

Yuuri sits forwards and shifts his body to face Viktor, "N-no, I mean what happened between you and Y/N"

Oh, that’s what he meant. Viktor knows he is struggling to handle his emotions on his own and he can't hold it back anymore, he needs someone to talk to about it. "Oh, I kissed her."

"That's...that's great Viktor!"

"Actually, I don’t think it is" Viktor says as he throws his head in his palms.

Yuuri is dreading witnessing his dear friend in so much pain from what he thought his friend always wanted, what he thought is supposed to make Viktor happy.

"V-Viktor, sorry to bother you, but, you're on camera." Yuuri mutters quietly, bewaring his friend of the current situation they're both in.

Viktor's heart sinks, "Oh right. Thank you."  
He instantly holds his head high and raises a brief smile. He forgot that from now everything goes live, the Kiss and Cry and a couple of questions from a few low key reporters. He just has to get through them and then he can return to his sorrow. It's only a little while, he reminds himself.

..........

The small angsty teen sitting to your right keeps glancing in your direction. You notice but don't mind to say anything, you're not actually sure whether his stares are because of pure annoyance and he doesn't wish to be here with you or he's genuinely looking out for you.  
After all, you do get along with Yurio quite well, most likely because everyone enjoys your company, you're quiet and almost too nice. And most people take interest in you for that.

"Why are you fidgeting like that? Are you nervous or something?" Yurio says, breaking the silence.

You look down at yourself, one hand is placed between your thighs, while you're rapidly tapping your feet amongst the concrete ground. Your other hand is tugging at your bottom lip, you're unsure why you're tracing your lips, but you're not stupid, it's obviously because of Viktor. You're craving him, craving another touch.

Yurio disturbs your fantasy as he scowls. "I saw what happened back there, his hand on your waist, what did that mean?"

You are desperate to answer, but to be honest with yourself you don't have an answer. What happened back there isn't you. You've never known yourself to be so eager for someone else. You practically begged Viktor to slip his hand beneath you. Why? You have no idea. 

The tears start again, your emotions are too fragile, you don't wish to think, not right at this moment anyway.

Yurio grabs your shoulder, "He didn't...didn't force you did he?!"

No, oh god no.  
"Yurio-"

"That bastard!" The teen throws himself up and storms down the aisles, fists clenching in his pockets, as he heads down towards the tall Russian and the Japanese skater being interviewed by a couple of reporters.

"Yurio!" You yell, but he's already long gone and too angry to care.

Your bottom lips start to tremble, you can already see the next scene play out and you know it’s not going to have a good ending. You hold breath hoping it will stop you from crying, but you second-guess yourself and you're sobbing into your hands once again. Sob after sob, wave after wave, like a sea of tears continue to gush out your eyes and there's no end to them.

..........

Yuuri feels weird in this situation, just before Viktor was on the verge of tears now he's laughing with an old friend, who is one of the few reporters standing in front of them. Viktor thanks the reporter and waves a quick goodbye as the spectacled man moves his crew along to another skater.

Viktor turns to Yuuri, and pleads to go. Yuuri excuses the other reporters and looks upon his friend, the glow in his face has disappeared as fast as it arrived.

Yuuri quickly apologies to the reporters and asks to be excused, they accept, knowing they have a tight schedule with another target to go and pry answers out of. He turns to walk along side Viktor, but instead, a swarm of violently loud Russian shouting is coming from in front of Viktor.

"What's your problem?! You enjoy making girls cry and shoving your hands up their shirts?!" yells Yurio, up close and personal in Viktor's face.

Yuuri feels stuck, awkward and very most uneasy. Viktor never explained what happened after he kissed Y/N.  
Even if that did happen, Y/N wouldn't have let Viktor get away with it. No, actually, this made a lot sense, this would explain Viktor's misery, he'd done something possessively and ruined things between the two.

Yuuri shook the thrilling thought from his head. He was truly grateful for his two greatest friends having feelings for one another, although the deeper he thought of it, Viktor does become pretty possessive when he wants to be.

"V-Viktor" Yuuri stutters, he's unsure of what to say.

As fast as this is all thundering down, the reporters who supposedly left, are now flicking microphones and cameras in the young Russian's face.

"Could you repeat that sir?"

"Did you just say 'hands up shirt'?

"Viktor what do you have to say about this?"

Yurio's gone blank, it's written all over his face. Yurio quickly dives in front of Viktor, "No! It's a misunderstanding. Don't believe anything I just said!"

As much as he complains and causes trouble around Viktor and Yuuri, Yurio still deep down, trusts them, and doesn't want to lose that trust.

"You seemed pretty eager to me? Are you sure we shouldn't believe you?" The reporters are digging deep, panicking the small blonde.

"P-positive."

Yuuri admires Yurio's bravery for a few seconds. Yurio is handling this quite well, considering he hasn't called someone an asshole or a hag yet. He laughs to himself, Now, I need to talk to Viktor.

Yuuri shoves his way past the reporters and behind Yurio, but Viktor's nowhere to be seen. He's gone.

..........

You rub your eyes until your heads begins to trip and images of continuous swirls and numerous universes start flashing through you head. You lean down under your seat and grab one of your skates.  
You trace the fabric lining with one of your fingers, and you smile, skating is one of your most treasurable things in the world. You are one of the top 6 skaters in the entire world and yet here you were not even 1 minute ago, sobbing like a child who lost their mum in a grocery store.

Distant footsteps break the trance between you and your ice skate. Shifting your gaze, you see Viktor making his way up the aisle towards you.

He stops at your aisle, his eyes no longer sparkle, they riddle with sadness. "Y/N, seems you've been crying again. If it's because of me-" You cut him off, meeting him half way.

"Please Viktor, stop thinking it’s you. It's me. I just...I don't understand what happened, when did I become so-"

"So possessive? Craving what doesn't belong to you? Yeah, haha. I know." He cuts you off too, only to be fair.

He slumps himself down in the seat beside you, and stares up at the ceiling. You hold a faint smile, you're not alone in this situation. You have Viktor. But what you don't understand is, if you both feel the same way and crave the same thing. Why are you both so afraid? What's holding you both back?

You understand Viktor's reasoning, you've witnessed his possessive side, especially when he's drunk. You on the other hand, when you think about it, no one has really explained how you behave when your head is drowned with alcohol. "It may as well stay that way." You whisper to yourself.

Viktor's arm extends towards your thigh and you flinch.

"Here, take my hand."

You can feel his gaze on you, and your heart jumps. Why? Why do you have to hold his hand? You thought he understood what you both didn't want to happen. Why is he now asking you to play against that?

"It will calm you." He says.

His tone is soft, comforting even. You give him a smile and slip your hand in his, and his fingers intertwine with yours.

He's right, it is calming you, you feel at ease, safe and at home or rather the perfect world.  
You enable your eyelids to fall and let them rest. And once again you can finally breathe.

..........

Your eyes flutter open and two heads are seated in the aisle in front of you, one black and one blonde, one on their phone and the other eyes narrowing at Viktor. You don't understand why Viktor hadn't disturbed you to ensure you that both Yuri's showed up.  
He hadn't gone anywhere, you can still feel his touch, his grip is loosened but he's still there.

"How long have we been here?" You yawn.

Yurio jumps in surprise and flings his head back towards the rink. Yuuri switches his attention from his phone to you and blinks.

"Oh, you're awake! N-not long." He informs.

The music in the background is familiar to you, you glance over to the rink and a tall Canadian is smashing his way through his short program. "I thought JJ was retiring this season?" You say, still talking to Yuuri.

"Yeah, at the end of this season I guess. It'll be too hard for him to compete next year, you know, with his wife and all." The Japanese smiles and turns his attention back to his phone.

"Yuuri, do you know how far she is? JJ's wife, I mean." You ask, out of curiosity.

"Y-yeah, hang on." He says, scrolling through his Instagram.

"She's about seven-eight months in or something, the asshole kept bragging about this morning." Yurio speaks up, flashing a light grin at you.

You stare blankly, you didn't expect Yurio to pay attention to JJ's love life. Or JJ's life in general.

Yurio shrieks, "I wasn't perving on you or anything before, I was making sure that bastard wasn't going to try something on you." His cheeks flush a little, and he turns around again, hissing at JJ's direction.

You look to your right as Viktor clings to mind and a rush of warmth overwhelms your heart. Viktor had closed his eyes too, in fact you are pretty aware that he's asleep. The Russian's face is peaceful, soft, and a natural beauty unlike any other.

The kiss burns fresh in your mind and you squeeze Viktor's hand a little tighter.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you wish to read more, I do have some ideas planned! If you do, just let me know and comment below or find me on my instagram; @doesjuminisgay


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